Sometimes I Miss You
by Kage NoTenshi
Summary: Despite her repeated attempts to call up his spirit, one ghost managed to avoid Anna’s powerful summons. He was the only ghost who ever could. R


I love angst.  Oh, and this is semi Yoh/Anna…yeah, again.  It's not so much that I'm obsessed with the pairings as that I feel like I understand those two the best out of the whole cast.  So…yeah…maybe when I get the hang of some of the other characters I'll do something with Ren or Lyserg or Hao or something…  

Also, my italics get messed up whenever I try to upload, so my numerous flashbacks will be labeled rather ostentatiously.  (Gomen.  I couldn't help it.)

Disclaimer: I don't own Shaman King.  Actually, I don't really want to since Yoh's taken, Amidamaru's been dead for centuries, and Hao's already got fangirls that follow him around.  *sigh*  No available bishounen…

Sometimes I Miss You 

            Anna stood in the middle of the cemetery, her string of blue beads clutched in her hands.  Holding it above her head, she closed her eyes and concentrated, summoning the soul of one once lost.  Around her, ghost lights gathered, responding to her powerful call, but she ignored them, standing motionless for half an hour before finally opening her eyes.  

            Several unoccupied ghosts floated about her, looking on curiously.  She studied their faces with cool eyes, but did not see the countenance she wanted.  "He didn't come?" asked a child-spirit innocently.  

            Icy maturity momentarily forgotten, Anna – now almost twenty – flung her beads onto the dirt.  "No, he didn't!  Isn't that obvious?!"

            The ghost shied away.  "Sorry…"

            Anna gave what was almost a growl, swept up her beads, and stalked down the hill and through the cemetery gate.  Walking home, she slowed, her anger cooling to suppressed grief.  She didn't slam the door when she entered the house, didn't go looking for things to throw.  Instead, she walked quietly to the room that she had shared with her fiancé…no, husband.  They had been married for a little over a year.  

            Had been.

~~~Memory~~~

            "Yoh?  What're you lagging behind for?  Hurry up!"

            "S…sorry, Anna.  I don't feel so good."

            "Not so good?  Then go to bed as soon as we get home.  You probably haven't had enough training recently.  We can work on that tomorrow."

            To her surprise, Yoh made no sound of protest, but simply nodded.  He stumbled slightly on the sidewalk.

            For a moment Anna felt a flash of worry.  She had never seen Yoh this pale.  

            "I wish," he said softly, leaning against a nearby building, "I wish I hadn't forgotten Amidamaru's memorial tablet at home.  He…he might know what's…" His voice trailed off.  

            Anna was half-dragging her husband by the time they reached home.  She made him lie down on some blankets in the living room while she retrieved the tablet for him.  Even as Amidamaru emerged, she could sense Yoh's life energy fading rapidly.  "What's happening to him, Amidamaru?"

            The samurai ghost touched his master's forehead.  "He's been cursed.  If only I could have been with him an hour ago…"

            "Who cursed him?" she demanded.

            The spirit closed his eyes, trying to find some event that might have brought this on.  He was silent, and then spoke suddenly.  "Yesterday he had a shaman fight, no?"

            Anna nodded.  Even with the official shaman fights over years ago, Yoh still engaged in occasional combat with rogue shamans to keep a balance between the worlds.  

            "He suffered a blow only once."

            "Yes."

            "It cause him to stumble back against a short stone pillar if I recall correctly."

            "But what does that —"

            Amidamaru held up his hand.  "We were all so caught up in watching the battle, we didn't notice, but I believe it was a grave marker."

            Anna's jaw tightened.  "No…"

            "Yes.  Though an accident, Yoh stepped on a grave.  The spirit must have cursed him in revenge."

            The itako bit her lip.  "Terrible is the vengeance of a ghost so offended."

            Amidamaru looked down at Yoh; the nineteen-year-old shaman's breathing was shallow and faint.  "I cannot do anything for him now."

            They kept a vigilant watch through the night as Yoh fought for his life, his soul striving to resist the curse.  Anna wanted to summon the spirit that had caused all this trouble and make it save her husband, baka though he was sometimes, but she knew the curse would stay.  Eventually, though, she grew weary; even itako are human.

            "Sleep," urged Amidamaru gently.  "I'll wake you if I sense any change."

            "I…can't," she protested.  "It's my fault…"

            "How?"

            It was a simple innocent question, but she could not answer.  

            The next day, Saturday, dawned cool and early.  The rising sun found Anna sleeping quietly next to her husband, her slender hand on his.  She stirred and sat up slowly.  Amidamaru shook his head in wonder.  "He's still alive.  I never knew he had so much power."

            "Then…he'll live?"

            The samurai was silent.

            "Amidamaru, tell me!"

            "I cannot say.  I have never seen anyone survive a curse like this for so long."

            Anna said nothing, her hands clenched on her knees as she knelt by Yoh's limp body.  Finally, though, she raised her head.  "I'll get him some water."  She drifted from the room and returned momentarily with three glasses of water.  One she set in front of Amidamaru's memorial tablet, one she put aside for herself, and one she attempted to pour gradually into Yoh's mouth.  He accepted a little as she supported his head with her arm, but did not respond.

            The morning stretched into afternoon and finally merciful evening.  Yoh still slept, his increasingly pallid complexion contrasting with his dark hair.  He remained unconscious through the night and all of Sunday.  Early Monday morning, though, Anna awoke as he moved his arm slightly.  She sat up to see his open eyes, dark with weariness and pain.  "Anna…"

            "Yes?"

            "Amidamaru…"

            "Here, Lord Yoh."

            A look of approval crossed the youth's face, mixed with regret.  "I'm sorry."

            "You'd better be sorry!" Anna snapped suddenly, three consecutive nights of constant worry getting the better of her emotional state.  "What do you mean pulling a stunt like that and almost dying?!"  

            "Almost?"  He smiled slightly.  "It won't be long, Anna."  He squeezed her hand gently and went limp as the last of his tattered aura faded.  

            Anna and Amidamaru had sat silently for a while until the samurai ghost untied one of the swords from around his waist.  "I will follow my lord even in his death," he said softly.  It is not necessary that I perform this ritual before joining him in the afterlife, but…" He paused and then held out the sword to Anna.  "I would be honored if you would be my second, wife of Lord Yoh."

            "Widow," she corrected emotionlessly, but she accepted the sword.  It grew solid in her hands, and she drew it as Amidamaru unsheathed his second blade.  She watched, stolid as he inhaled slowly and prepared himself mentally for the solemn ritual of seppuku.  Then, he grasped the blade firmly and plunged it into the left side of his abdomen.  She saw him bleed silver as the sword traveled to the right and then up.  His eyes flashed in a momentary agony before he bent his head forward slightly.

            At that instant, she brought the blade she held down.  It passed through his neck easily, ghost as he was.  He vanished noiselessly, and the sword in her hands gently faded into nothing moments afterward.  

            Truly alone for the first time, Asakura Anna knelt by her husband's body and covered his ashen face with the sheet.  

~~~~~~

            Anna frowned at the memory.  Her eyes, however, remained dry as she looked out the window at the multitude of stars.  Yoh had liked to watch them, though she had once thought it a waste of time.  She sighed, pulling off her crimson headscarf with one hand.  The house seemed so empty now, devoid of music and laughter.  

            Turning away from the window, she glanced at a small, framed photo of Yoh that she had on a small table.  She glared at his grinning face, frozen in one carefree moment.  "You baka," she whispered.  "Why'd you have to die?"

            The silent smile offered no answer.

            She scowled, clenching a fist.  "If you were here right now, Yoh, I'd punch your lights out…" She looked back at the photo and let her hand drop.  "But you're not."

~~~Memory~~~

            Manta came by at eight o'clock sharp Monday morning and got a shock when Anna opened the door instead of Yoh.  He cringed visibly at the sight of her and then regained his composure.  "Um…is Yoh ready?  School's about to…" He broke off suddenly as he caught sight of his friend's still form, outlined by the sheet draped over him.  "AAUGH!!  WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM??  YOU —"

            SMACK.

            Manta quieted suddenly, stunned by the blow, his cheek stinging.

            "He's dead," said Anna bluntly.

            "Dead…?"

            "Yes, dead, baka.  What part don't you understand?"

            "But…how?"

            "Curse."  Anna turned away suddenly so Manta wouldn't see the pain in her eyes.  "You can come in if you want; or do you have to go to school?"

            Manta's eyes were still on his friend, shock written all over his round face.  It took him almost a full minute to speak.  "But…so quickly…how long…?"

            "He fell ill on Friday and passed away a few hours ago."  She almost found herself pitying Manta.  He had been Yoh's first friend in Tokyo; he hated seeing people hurt; he had always tried to help whenever he could.  They stood silently for a moment.  "You have school," she reminded him gently after a while.

            "Yeah.  Sorry."

            She watched him turn and walk off slowly.  She could sense the bewilderment and confusion emanating from him, but there was nothing she could do.  

~~~~~~

            Anna quietly lit a long white candle next Yoh's picture and turned to gaze about the room.  His records and CDs still lay piled haphazardly in one corner, the record player half buried under the clutter.  His trademark headphones, however, were not among them.  She had seen to it that he was buried with them around his neck; he would have liked that.

~~~Memory~~~

            She sat at the funeral, blank faced and tearless.  They had dressed her in a plain white dress, devoid of décor; she despised that dress.  For one, it was nearly down to her ankles, and rather cumbersome.  Secondly, it was white.  White was the color of mourning and very much unlike her; she rather missed her usual black.  

            Sitting alone, surrounded by Yoh's teary relatives, she suddenly felt a wave of loneliness and vulnerability wash over her.  Several of them had offered to take her in or arrange a new marriage to secure her future.  The only offer she accepted was their continued financial support until she could manage for herself.  

            She told no one of the silent nagging fear within her.  Japanese superstition believes that if there are two deaths in a household, there will shortly be a third.  It had been Yoh, and then Amidamaru (who had died a much as a ghost can).  

            Anna was the only one left.

            In a sense, she had almost welcomed the idea of death and joining Yoh, but not enough to commit suicide.  Anna was not one to just give up; she was determined to weather this.  If fate dictated otherwise, though…

            A month later, Yoh's old friends stood outside a hospital room, talking in hushed whispers.  They had heard that Anna had been admitted to the hospital, but not why.  Eventually, they had decided to come visit together and then had drawn lots to see who would actually go and talk to her.  At that moment, in fact, they were waiting for Ren to emerge and inform them all.

            The door slid open and the dark-haired boy stepped out, his face grave.  Instantly, the others gathered around, asking repeatedly for news.  Ren held up his hands for quiet and led them down the hall, knowing it would be rude to discuss what had happened just outside Anna's door.  

            "She miscarried," he said simply once he deemed their position tactful enough.  "She didn't even know she carried Yoh's child until then."

            "How is she taking it?" asked Manta quietly.  

            "I think she may be in shock," replied the Chinese boy, his severe eyes softening a little.  "She says very little and shows no emotion."

            "No tears?" inquired Ryu a little incredulously.

            "None.  She was sleeping peacefully when I left, and she's going home tomorrow."  Ren rubbed the back of his neck absently with one hand.  "I kind of wish Jun was here.  She might know how to talk to Anna.  I mean, I thought that you're supposed to comfort someone who's gone through something like this, but Anna doesn't seem to want any sympathy."

~~~~~~

            Anna lit a smaller white candle next to the tall one by Yoh's photo.  Then, with a sigh she turned to the pile of records.  She'd have to clean it up sometimes, why not now?

            Even as she sifted through the clutter, she remembered the pain of the loss, even as the child's death – the third death – granted her life.  She had had one chance to bear an heir, an echo of the husband she had lost, and she had failed him.  After all the scolding and training she had given him, she had failed Yoh.  Yoh…Yoh would have wept for the unborn dead, for the child he never could have had.  He would not have been angry; he could never be angry with Anna, only hurt at the most.  But he was not there to mourn; the child was with him now.  

            She wanted to know if the two had met in the otherworld, to talk to him one more time, but she could not.

~~~Memory~~~

            After recovering from the miscarriage, Anna began to use her powers again.  She was a skilled shaman, so it would serve to reason that she would be able to contact her late husband.  

            She tried, but received no answer.  Brushing it off as a fluke, or blaming the fact that the deaths had weakened her, she refused to worry.

            But she failed to summon Yoh the second time as well.  

            Eventually, puzzlement grew to frustration.  She was one of the world's prevailing itako, able to summon any spirit from heaven, hell, or their haunt on this earth.  Yet she received no answer from Yoh.  How could his ghost defy her call?  He had never refused her anything while he lived…

            And so she tried again and again, but with no success.

            Once she summoned Amidamaru to inquire after Yoh's condition, but the spirit had no real answer for her.  He gave some cryptic replies about his lord feeling that a face-to-face encounter would not be all together favorable before returning to the afterlife, leaving Anna exasperated and angry.  

~~~~~~

            It was late when Anna finished stacking Yoh's records and CDs in neat, ordered piles.  She put the record player in a different corner of the room before finally lying down in the semi-darkness, lit only by the two candles on the table.  

            The futon felt empty and lonely.  She found herself missing his soft breathing next to her or being able to just roll over and see him sleeping with that childishly content smile on his face.  He had even hummed bits of songs in his sleep once.  The room was too quiet now, and silent as the grave…like the one in which Yoh now slumbered.  She closed her eyes and hugged one of the pillows to her, her golden hair spreading on the other pillow.  Still her eyes were dry and calm, though far from peaceful.  

            The sun was streaming in the window, golden and joyous, when she awoke.  The candles from the night before were low, but they still burned.  It took a moment for her to realize that there was music playing, and a record case lying beside her on top of the blankets where Yoh had slept.  She sat up and perused its designs; it was one she had put at the bottom of the piles of music the night before.  Glancing at the neat stacks, she frowned in slight puzzlement; nothing else had been disturbed.

            Then the song caught her ear.  It had been one of Yoh's favorites, though she had often complained that he listened to it too much.  But she had never really listened to the lyrics.

It's okay, baby;

Don't you look so down.

I'll love you forever;

That's all that matters now.

'Cause sometimes it'll rain,

But the sun will smile yet.

So don't you worry, baby,

And, please, don't you forget.

            Anna sat, listening.  The whole song was so much like…like him.  And, for the first time since Yoh passed on and refused to come back to her, she pulled her knees up to her chest and cried.  

So don't you worry, baby,

And, please, don't you forget.

~~~

-_-; Sorry.  I don't write lyrics much (but yes, those were mine.)  Um, anyway, this didn't turn out quite like I wanted, but you can complain via reviews.  And anyone who knows of a good site for mankin info (in English, please) let me know, K?  Thanks!  


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